Sugarmelt.com|Bloggin’ since 2003 yo

I went to see Tropic Thunder with some friends and my sister last Friday and I have to be honest, I thought the movie was going to be not so good, but it turned out to be highlarious! From beginning to end, Tropic Thunder was filled with laughter. I went into this movie only seeing maybe two trailers, but with low expectations; I’m glad I did not write this movie off before seeing it. The thing I do not get is why the movie was getting so much bad publicity about the use of the word “retard” repeatedly. I do not see anything offensive about this movie, I think people should honestly get off of their high horses and keep their opinions to themselves. I wonder if the complainers honestly thought the boycott would hurt the movie…glad they did not succeed. By the way, I did not know Tom Cruise was in the movie until the end!

I was suppose to go wakeboarding today, but I’m feeling sick, sick as in eyeballs and head hurt sick. I hope I’m not coming down with a summer cold.

Today I was listening in on a conversation that a few co-workers were having, the topic was depression and suicide. I almost never put my two cents into a conversation, I usually just listen and find out what kind of people the people are that I surround myself with through their beliefs. During the conversation I overheard Annette, my co-worker, say she feels suicide is the most selfish act a human being can commit and that she doesn’t believe there is any type of depression that should make anyone want to take their own life. When Annette stated her opinion, I was expecting the person on the other end of the conversation to object, but to my surprise; Don concurred and went on to say that he feels sorry for people who battle depression.

This is the most closed minded conversation I have heard in a long while. In my teens and early twenties I did not understand depression and suicide and actually had the same feelings towards the matter that Annette and Don has. I felt life was great and what could possibly make a human being so sad that he/she wants to do the unthinkable, the unspeakable…kill them self. I went about my daily, worry free grand ole life, floating on cloud nine having no clue about the horrible and disgustingly cruel things this world had to offer.

A few years ago a horrible thing happened to me that pushed me into a tail spin filled with drinking heavily, being promiscuous and partying a lot, which I later realized was due to a deep suicidal depression. I was looking for an escape. I had no one to talk to. My family and friends told me that they were there for me, but I could not bring myself to talk to someone about something that they had never felt, been through or had happen to them. The few times I did feel like giving it a shot and trying to talk to someone, in the end, that friend or family member did not listen to me. Because of a lack of understanding ears, I turned inward and shut down. I crawled into a black hole and shield myself from the world. I was a shell of my former self. Everyone around me, that knew me knew something was wrong but did not know how to help me. I even refused to talk to a therapist because of having to relive the thing that happened to me over and over again each session. I eventually decided I will push the problems I was having aside and hope everything would go away and I would wake up all better, but I was wrong. Harboring all of the negativity this horrible thing created inside of me was ruining me and pushing me to a breaking point. I was so far into the depression that I ended up thinking the unthinkable and doing the unspeakable, trying to commit suicide.

I wanted so badly to tell my co-workers to not speak about something that they have never felt and been through themselves. No one has a clue what a person is going through in their personal life. While battling suicide, sometimes committing suicide feels like the only way to escape the black hole. I never knew until a few years ago just how ugly and evil of a beast depression is and once it has a hold of you, there is no letting go without a fight. When the win of the battle is on your side, you will emerge an mucho grande drained mentally and physically person, but also a stronger person.

Fortunately, I’m a hell of a lot stronger than what I was when the “thing” happened, but this battle of depression is definitely a long process and I will probably battle it the rest of my life. Currently I am in an extremely happy place in my life and things are actually really good right now. It’s nice to smile and enjoy life again.

Below I leave you with a song:

My period cramps are out of this world.  I was doubled over in pain pretty much all day.  My stomach muscles were spasming as if there were a baby in my stomach kicking to get out.  My period started at work, but luckily I had a blood sponge in my purse for such an occasion.  I have been stuffing my face with every sweet goodness I can get my hands on, yum, Blue coconut cream slush.  Unfortch, I will have the shits soon because of my creamy craving– having the shits while on my period is mucho fun, especially when the flood gates open and the toilet water starts looking like a murder scene.

There has been this mystery number calling me for about four weeks now. I almost never answer a number that is not in my cell phone, I usually wait for the person to leave a voicemail and then check and see if it’s a call I want to return or not. Well, the number that has been calling me never leaves a voicemail. Four weeks ago when the number first started calling, I ended up having to text the number because the person did not leave a voicemail. I text the person “hello?” and the person text me back,”Hey baby.” At first, I think, oh this must be the wrong numbers, so I text back, “I’m sorry wrong number” and expect everything to be left at that. But no, everything was not left at that. The person then proceeds to ask my name and my last name. I tell my first name, but not last name…I declined that. I did get the persons name, which is Jessica, er so “she” says. When I refuse to give my last name, the person gets upset and says, “Dude whatever…” I quit texting because I do not have time for childish games.

For the last few weeks I have continued to get calls from this person, even after telling the person wrong number. I have even text the person again with something along the lines of, “wrong number again? …) and the only response I get from the wrong number caller is, “Sorry wrong number.”

Fast forward to today, this person has called my number for the 6th time in three weeks. After now, I believe this person should know they have been reaching the wrong number or should have found out the correct number of the person they have been trying to reach. So today I decide I’m going to text the person:

Me- “I’d like to know what’s going on an what’s up with the calling me when you obviously have the wrong number. Is there a reason you’re calling me?”

Her- “Dude you really are not fighting with me over texting you can call me if you have something to say k thanks.”

Me- “Stop calling my number as I said, there is no reason for you to be misdialing all of these damn times unless you’re dyslexic…avoid dialing the number ###-####”

Her- “Not talking to you over text dumbass, if you have a problem them you can call”

What kind of bullshit is this seriously? First, I wasn’t rude with my first text message. My first text message was simply asking the person to stop calling me or if there is a reason for the calls to come clean and not play games. If she did not want to text, why answer all of the other texts I have sent?

I believe this person is honestly playing games with me. The response I got from this person the first text I ever sent this person three weeks ago was, “Hey baby.” Why in the world would you text someone “Hey baby.” if the number is coming up as a number and not a name, because if I’m not mistaken, if you’re dating someone, the person should be in your address book and you should know their number.

Why in the world would I call this idiot to argue? I have better things to do. So Ghetto. So this is probably someone that has known me, or it’s a kid or an immature adult who has nothing better to do. Women in this area are just this immature to pull a stunt like this.

I went out on the water again today. Same beautiful weather, same extremely fun time. The only thing that happened today, that did not happen yesterday was me doing a cartwheel in the water and almost snapping my neck. Here’s the story:

I was doing my thing on the water– going full speed ahead, but for some reason my foot came out of my boot. I flipped over the wake and landed head first into the water, well that is after I tried to break my fall with my hands. (don’t laugh, it’s anyones first instinct to break their fall with their hands, even in water!) I did a cart wheel in the water, my arms gave way and my head went into the water, pushing my head to the side and bending my neck against the force of the water. Everything happened so fast, my body was still going with the speed of the boat and was shocked when I came to a immediate hault. Anywho, my nose, throat and head hurt from taking in so much water. On top of this, I am still in pain from yesterdays wakeboarding events. Oh my God, what if I had of died today?!? Anyway, I’ll be back out there this coming weekend though.

I got a tattoo today as well; it’s Arabic.

I went wakeboarding today for the first time in a very long time with my brother and some of his friends. Everyone had a ton of fun and enjoyed the day. My brother and his friends wakeboard regularly so they were immediately out on the water doing tricks and having a blast without face planting. On the other hand, I took a face plant each time I got up good on the water or tried a trick, mainly because of my extremely long hiatus from wakeboarding. Eventually I got use to the water again and became unafraid of falling and had fun. I even took in a few flips while out there. I did get a little frustrated because I could never land my back twist flip the first few attempts due to me coming up short on carrying my body around. In the end, I had fun and am going to go wakeboarding again tomorrow.

I am going to keep my website public. I feel it would be pointless to have a blog if I am going to restrict “whoever” from reading it. I write to share my thoughts and feelings with the world and because it’s my stress reliever.

I’m still undecided on if I want to make my blog private or keep it public.  I gave myself until Saturday to make this decision, but since Saturday is just starting I will give myself until tonight.

Good morning!

I went to the public library yesterday to print out some paper work for an appointment I had. As soon as I turned into the library parking lot, I see homeless guys pushing grocery carts filled with soda cans and trash bags tied on the side. I look at the entrance side walk of the library and see scummy looking men and women walking into the building with back packs and ratty clothing. *My thoughts- What in the world am I about to walk into* I take a deep breath, lock my valuables into my glove compartment and head in. I hadn’t been to the library in some time, but as I enter the library everything becomes familiar again and I realize that the set up is just how it was when I was a kid. I thought about going to the elevator so that I did not have to take the stairs, because God forbid I get any sort of exercise. Unfortunately I notice a transient is about to the get into the elevator, so I politely double back and take the stairs anyway.

I make it to the top of the two flight staircase and feel so accomplished and a little annoyed…This princess had to do some manual labor, ugh and actually completed it…aka walk stairs! I look around and catch a cop, who is at the library all day, staring me down. Oh lord I think there has to be a reason why this library book guardian guy has been put into place. I grin at the guy and continue glancing around at the countless number of human beings peering deeply into the internet computers. I wonder if I help myself or have to sign in to use the computer. Before I could head over and start scouring for a computer I hear, “ma’am, ma’am!” I turn and see a unique looking individual peeking around a group of guys trying to get my attention. I’m a little taken a back by what I see after my eyes zone on to her. I walk to the desk and wait my turn. This unique lady has a serious ‘tude towards all of the blacks in the library, but a white old guy comes to the desk and the smile is on and everything is hunky dory…. I get to the desk and this lady has a serious unibrow, mustache and fucked up teeth that hits me in the face. What the fuck lady! I think to myself. I feel like I’m in a ugly duckling turns into a prom queen movie, but the DVD stops working before she is transformed to the beauty. (I’m so going to HELL now) Of course, fug face is polite to me and asks me what I needed assistance with. I tell her that I need to use a internet computer and that I only need it for at the most five minutes. She asks for my library card and scans it and tells me that I get computer “D” when it becomes available. Apparently the guy on computer “D” went over his time so she went over to him and tells him it’s time to get off. I wait….

Finally, I see the guy getting up and see he is grabbing for his backpack. Geezus, this is going to be a real treat, I say to myself. As I go and sit down, I smell something so funky; I smelled this guys butt, balls and everything else that could possibly stank on a human being. *dry heeves* Omg, it was disgusting!

Needless to say, I achieved what I wanted to achieve at the library and hauled ass outta there when I was done. Well that is after I had to stop by the front desk and let the librarian update my card.  Apparently I hadn’t read a book in so long, my library card said I was still a juvenile.

I just purchased what I consider to be the sexiest shoe ever! I am absolutely loving this shoe, the Gladiator heel. I have seen a lot of celebrities wearing this style pretty much all summer.